sign of the times

Once in awhile I get the pleasure of spending some alone time with one of my kids. I miss it, I really do. Joseph and I used to go on "dates" all the time, shopping, mcdonalds, the library...wherever. It used to be him and I on the open road. Now, not so much.

The other day my nephew Devin asked us to come to his championship inline (not online) hockey game. So, when Big Daddy got home from work Joseph and I headed out. After the game we went out for some supper, just him and I. It was fun and was the best date i've been on in months (shh, dont tell Big Daddy). We went to Boston Pizza so Joseph could throw back a few "grape pop rocks" Really, its grape pop poured onto crushed ice. I could make the same thing at home for about $3 cheaper...but hey, it just wouldn't be the same now would it?

It gave us the opportunity to sit and chat. The neat thing about your kids growing up is that the conversation grows along with it. Now that Joseph has completed grade one (*sob*) he has more to talk about than just Star Wars. We can have somewhat of a real conversation. He reads very well and absorbs many things, so we have a lot to talk about. He told me various things that had happened at school this year, and we talked about being done grade one and moving into grade two. We also chatted about what we were going to do on our summer holidays and our vacation we have planned to BC. It was nice to sit and chat, laugh and just spend time with one another.

But low and behold after a few "grape pop rocks" nature tends to call. So here comes a mama-delima. We are at that age where it is almost inappropriate to take him into a ladies washroom nor does he want to go into one. I can't go into the men's, again nor would I want to. Our only option is for Joseph to go it alone. Our table was about 4 away from the bathrooms so I told him where they were and watched him head over.

As we all know the traditional bathroom signs are these:


Joseph looks at one.... and then the other.... and then back at the first one....and then then other.... and then at me. I point which way he needs to go.
When he returns at the table he says to me "what is with the stick people can't they just write 'boys' or 'girls'?" For him reading actual words is so much easier than decifering weird stick people. He inquired as to why the girl had a triangle. "Mom, your a girl and you never wear a triangle"

It was a bit too much to explain to him that there are probably some people this day in age who can't read. I guess I just take it for granted, Joseph too. I hope one day he realizes how lucky he is to be able to read. I feel lucky that he can read. I guess I learnt today that what Joseph learnt in grade one will stay with him forever..... only if the bathrooms are labeled with words.

I told you so!

I knew when Big Daddy and I made the decision that our third child would make our family complete that this day would come. This day where I felt the saddest of emotions that I would never again carry a fetus for nine months and give birth. It's here and I told you it would come in like a tidal wave.

It is here and it is what it is and I have push past it. Because in all honesty I do not want any more children of my own. I just have the desire to be pregnant and give birth. Weird? Yes, of course. Would it be me if it weren't weird.

I must say that this feeling most definately comes upon me because two very dear people in my life gave me three new baby boys to love all in the same day. My sister-in-law gave me a new nephew whom is sweet as pie and looks exactly like his older brother. My sweet Jewish friend (I heart the Jews) Was blessed with the most handsome twin boys on the exact same day my nephew was born. Three boys in one day!!!

I think it is engrained in us to swoon over newborns. I miss the smell, the aura, the genuine closeness of one-ness you feel when you pop your newborn right into your shirt for some skin to skin contact, and the way they sink right into your very being and I swear your souls actually touch. I miss the bird mouth when they are hungry. I sooo miss the little stretches when they stick their bums out. I miss the chicken legs and how the diapers are always way too big at first.
I am sad. I am sad that I will never have those moments again.

But I need to remind myself that I HAD those moments, I had them all to myself three times over and they were spectacular. I also need to remind myself that little bum stretch does not pay for groceries or a university education.

I can't wait to hold these babies. I know since they aren't mine it's probably not a good idea to stick them into my shirt and they won't quite sink into my soul quite like my babies did, but they have already touched the depths of my heart. I can't wait to watch them grow and I can't wait to hold them all, spoil them all, play with them, wind them up and feed them inappropriate things that I don't even let my own children eat....and send them home.

Decisions, Decisions

Yesterday morning Trent and I were deciding what our agenda should be for the day.
We had three options:

A) stay at home and I could wash the kitchen floor even though its the most thankless job in the universe.

B) go grocery shopping which we kinda needed to since we were out of milk, cheerios and margarine...vital staples in our household.

or

C) get our summer duds on, pack a bag and go down to Kinsmen Park and have lunch with Joseph and his grade one class and participate in paddling pool portion of their field trip.

Since the weather was fab and my desire to get groceries or wash floors wasn't all that hankering we choose option c. It was the best option.....the only option.

I love that I can do that... I love that Joseph is still at the age where I am cool enough to show up at a field trip and he comes running to us. Like I said C was our only option as it was the best option. We had a great time :)

Here are some new pictures of my kids...... I have to post new photo's once in awhile. If I don't Big Daddy would never see them since they all reside on my side of our computer.

Joseph, sans front teeth


Joseph, my baseball star


Trent...still cute and curly


Trent, my rock star. His favorite photo pose


Addie, my pigtail princess


And well... you try and get three children to all look at the camera at the same time. Poor Addie looks so confused.


Well, who knows... I think Addie was trying to escape.

Sweet Adeline

Each and every day I look at my kids and think "when did they get so big!" I think if you watch closely enough you can literally see them grow!

It is like my life is one of those cameras that watches a plant grow for months on end and then they speed it up to show the growth process in about 3 minutes. I swear that is how my children have grown right before my eyes.

So far this week Joseph has lost his fourth tooth. He is currently without both of his top front teeth. I must admit I always thought kids looked weird without two front teeth. Joseph in my eyes looks as handsome as ever. He is gorgeous without his teeth. Trent this week has glommed on to the word "hilarious" everything in his life these days is "hilarious". Addie, gosh her growth is leaps and bounds. These are honestly the days of babyhood where I love to put them on the floor sit on the couch and just watch them explore. She in, I swear, a few days has gone from full on crawling to getting into a sitting position from crawling, to pulling up, to cruising furniture, to millisecond STANDING!! The girl is not even ten months old yet.
Oh man, I feel faint just typing those words....ten months old.....
It is so beyond surreal. *sigh* I wish I could just press pause some days to absorb all of them just that little bit more.

There are times like tonight when the boys are getting ready for bed with Big Daddy and I have my one on one time with Addie. I bath her and give her a little baby massage and get her jammies on. I feed her while I look deep into her eyes and we snuggle in the rocking chair in the corner of her room while the sun sets around us. When she is done she lays her sweet head on my chest and sighs herself right into me. I feel our hearts connect on a deeper level as I smell her freshly baby washed hair. I close my eyes, breathe her in deeply and listen to her smallness breathing in and out. As I take a deep breath to once again catch the sweet baby smell she so gently lifts her head and belches loudly leaving a stench to waft at me.

I will miss these baby days.

Namesake

Once you have a child you become Mom. Or some version of it, Mommy, Mother, Ma, or Mama. This name becomes second nature before you even realize it. Especially once your child is of the age when they can actually call you than name repeatedly themselves. Actually to be quite honest there are times when it comes at you over and over when you try to block it out.
Say in the midst of an important phone call with a little boy standing next to you saying "momomommomomomomom MOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM.....Momomomomomomomomom MOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!! Mom! Mom! Mom!!!!" Generally this goes on the whole duration of the phone call with a little bit of jumping up and down or some foot stomping.

However, it becomes so second nature that when your in a place with a lot of children and one of them cries "Mom!!" you and 18 other Moms turn your heads to see if that cry belongs to you. Or you simply reply before knowing you weren't the said Mom that was being beckoned.

Regardless, when the phone rings at 8:14am and it is a strange cell phone number showing up on the call display and you still answer anyways
"Hello"
some guy sounding about 20ish says
"Hi Mom!"
You reply "Hi!" with a bit of enthusiasm before you realize that you aren't his Mama and you try to cover with a polite "I think you have the wrong number" and he is all confused "oohh, thanks bye"

That's how my morning started anyways. I am still laughing. Poor guy. I know time flies when you have children and I know I wasn't fully awake yet. But what on earth made me think I had a 20 year old son? I'm only 24!.

End of an Era

Why is it that sometimes something that feels so right can leave a ulcer burning pit in the bottom of your stomach?

Big Daddy and I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to stay at home and raise our family. Thus, I have recently quit my job. It is such a reminder that at the end of the day it is a job and that it doesn't define you. Like Carrie Bradshaw said on an episode of Sex in the City "It's not who I am, it's what I do."

Over the past nine years I have been employed at the same place. Nine years isn't a huge amount of time, I do realize that. However, it was significant enough. Especially for me since it was a portion of my life where I did a lot of growing up. I have had this job longer than I have been married. During my time there I got married and had three children. My life changed drastically over those nine years.

As much as it was the right decision and I need to this for my family. It was sad to let go. It seemed that those three days a week that I worked reminded me that I was human, an adult and at the craziest of times in my life as a mother when everyone else would go for coffee and I would stay back at my desk to work, or blog, it was silence. It was escape from my "real" job at home.

I will be honest. I didn't necessarily love the job itself, but I liked the people. For the most part. I mean can't we all agree there is that "one" everywhere you go right? But some of these women have Mothered me at work and made me laugh and have even seen me at some of my weakest moments and cared enough to send me home to soothe my soul those days I needed it most.

Coming to the decision was easy. Quitting was hard, writing that message to my boss was even harder. I have come a long way and strived for many things and being a quitter generally isn't on my agenda. When I quit something I feel failure...because in a large percentage of times in life quitting is a form of failure. But in this case quitting wasn't failing. It is taking a step up.

Of all the advice I have gotten across the board when trying to make this life changing decision the few words that kept coming across time and again were "you won't regret it!"
Believe me, a few days in already and I don't. Not one bit. There is no greater accomplishment in life than watching your children grow up. As cliche as it sounds, it is fact. They grow up too fast. I don't want to miss it. Also, being the realist I am the fact of the matter is, I simply can't justify working to pay someone for the job *I* want to be doing. That would be like paying someone to eat my piece of cake...no way!! I want the cake!

It's life and it is what it is and it's a huge leap of faith. But as stressed out I am and as much as I sometimes wonder "what if" I KNOW, in the depths of my heart that a job will always be there when and if I need one. For now, I'll take my kids.
I know.... I won't regret it.

It's happening!!

Something happened in my life last week that I am having a hard time coming to terms with. I just can't believe it actually happened. UGH.


*whispers* I turned................................................ 29.


The thought of that makes me want to crawl into bed and sob. Gosh, I remember when I was younger 29 was like.... OLD!! It's a harsh reality that I am currently living in my 30th year of life. AKK. That just seems wrong. I am not old?! When the hell did this happen? Who's idea was this?

Most days I most definitely do not feel 29. I guess. I mean what does 29 feel like?? I thought 29 was more wrinkly than this. Or am I wrinkly and don't even realize it because of my elderly vision and my bad hip I can't get close enough to the mirror?

Or, is it a mind over matter situation? Since my mind is still stuck around 24 am I to feel 24? See turning 25 wasn't too bad. But 26 was a whopper for me since I knew from that point forward it was essentially downhill to 30. This thing... the two nine... is the bottom of that hill. I have 358 days left of my twenties. I feel like I need to make the most of this.

Or do I?

I keep hearing over and over again (damn Oprah!) that one's thirties are the new twenties?! Is this true? Do I have a new lease on life, or at least my twenties? If so I have a pretty good ten years ahead of me. Some great stuff happened in my twenties. Some of it I'd rather not do again, but some I'd love to do over and over. Looking back on my twenties I have done a fair amount. I started working at The Western Producer, I got married, Big Daddy and I travelled throughout Alberta and British Columbia seeing some of the greatest sights Canada has to offer, we travelled to Toronto and Las Vegas, got to hang out with the Philosopher Kings many times, we travelled to the lake a fair amount, we had three of the best, most beautiful children, we persevered five years of Big Daddy's University life and celebrated his convocation, we bought our first home, we learnt the value of paying cash for things, I met Wendell Clark and got watch him tape a commercial, and I have seen New Jersey and New York. If all goes as planned I will get to see a large part of Alberta and British Columbia again as well as possibly travel to Arizona.

My twenties were good to me and they aren't even over yet.

So is the best way to face my thirties is head on? I guess I don't have much choice. It's coming. No matter how I try to avoid it, it will arrive on my doorstep.

I can't wait to see what my thirties hold. Mostly I anticipate watching my family grow up. But until then I will hold on to every last ounce I have of my twenties as it feels like sand in a hour glass. As the old saying goes time flies when your having fun. And fun my twenties have been.

Love and marraige

Big Daddy and I have always toted Joseph to be our sensitive one. Because he is and will always be to his very core. He is a lover and takes everything to heart. Trent on the other hand is rough and tumble, to say the least.

Trent lately has been intent on marriage. He is sure that he will marry Brodie. Brodie and Trent are so sure they will get married that they had to show me and Brodie's mom how they will kiss at their wedding. We reminded them that they should wait UNTIL the wedding to do that.

Today as I was planting my flowers at 9am this morning Trent was drawing on the sidewalk with chalk and nattering my ear off about anything and everything. He then reminded me that he and Brodie will get married. We chatted about that for a few minutes and then he said to me

"Mom, I am going to marry Brodie, live in a house with her and then we will love our children"

I was a little taken aback that he at the ripe age of three has children planned out. But I thought it was sweet that he plans to love them. I guess Trent is growing up and becoming a gentle soul..somewhat. However, I still think he should wear a helmet most days.