J-E-L-L-0

Just a general FYI.
I think I just ate purple Jell-O for the first time ever.

Its gross. Dont try it.

The only thing that could possibly make it any better if there were large amounts of alcohol in it...then it wouldnt be just Jell-O, it'd be a jell-o shooter. My family, we are cool like that. We know all about jell-o shooters.

Teaching an old dog new tricks

Why is it so hard to try and force yourself to be something your not? It dosen't matter what it is???

Prices we pay....

Why is it that there is a price for everything. Not always monetary but life price.

As Forrest Gump's Mother used to tell him "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your gonna get." That rings true time and again. You never know what your going to get. I guess that is what makes life at times so hard and choices we have to make so difficult. On the other hand it keeps life interesting because if we knew what we were going to get there would be no surprise.

However, sometimes....just sometimes I wish I knew what I was going to get. I wish I had the foresight to see what the outcome could be. In making decisions I not only affect my own life now, it rolls downhill and comes into the lives of my children.

And why is it that sometimes we do things FOR our kids, to be with our kids and at the end of the day realize that maybe it still wasn't the best choice to make and has inadvertently disturbed their life a different, yet greater manner than intended.

It's funny how as you become a parent you learn how to listen with your eyes and heart and not always your ears. I will never forget one time after Joseph was born but yet before he could speak, I was giving him something and someone asked me why I was giving him that item. I replied "because he asked for it" and they looked at me dumbfounded and said "but he can't talk????" It was at that moment I realized that there is a language that does not involve the art of talking.

If you truly listen with your heart, your children will tell you what you need to know.

However, no matter how hard I try to listen with my heart the future doesn't talk to me...not yet anyways.

Come away with me

Once you have children you find this deep desire within you to spend some time alone with your spouse. When times of life and parenthood are trying the desire burns deep. But then you drop your children off and you get into your mini-van for your eight hour drive to your get away local and all of a sudden you realize....you have nothing to talk about. Well...is that true? Perhaps not. I think what truly happens is that you have SO much to talk about you don't know where to start. Really, one should create a point list of items which need discussion. That way, when Big Daddy and I have a few moments...or eight hours together we can pull out the list and just plow right on through.

Going away for three days was glorious. It was so great to sleep in, drink at dinner and not be worried about correctly installing car seats into a taxi if necessary. It was nice to not have to change 18 diapers a day, pour 333 glasses of milk, wipe up 84.5 spills, smooch 14 owies, and supply 98 snacks. But what I quickly found out, is that my favorite part of going away for three days ....................
was coming home.

Fine Line

The other day it dawned one me that I have now hit that stage in my life where I don't wish days away. Because they are going too fast as it is and I somehow now have a kid in grade two.
But I wondered when did that happen? Does it happen when you have a child? Does it happen at a certain age? When do you hit that point in your life where you quit wishing you were older and start wishing you were younger?
I think we all spent some portion of our childhood trying to be more grown up...it seemed cooler and more fun because you could drive and stay out late. Now, that's all I freaking do is drive I think I solely have worn out the road between my house and the school since with three children it is unwalkable. I also somehow stay up late every night...if 10:30pm is 'late'.

But really, when does that change happen? Is overnight? Does one even make that change? or is it gradual? I don't remember when it happened?

I will admit that I am spending these days not wishing them away. Addie is growing up so fast and I miss have an itty bitty baby in the house. I miss her gurgles and sighs. She is now a walking, talking, sass machine that is only getting more vibrant as each day passes.
Today she fell asleep on the way home in the van and when we got in the house I sat in the rocker recliner and held her while she continued to nap. Big Daddy and I watched whole episode of Big Brother 8 while I held Addie. It was grand. I got to snuggle her and sniff her head and feel her breath on my face. I know that pretty soon I won't have anyone breathing on my face but Big Daddy and that isn't quite the same thing.

Old habits

As the old saying goes "old habits die hard" its true. It's really true! I didn't realize how true until I went to buy some "supplies" the other day.

Addie was out of diapers and wipes. Essentials really when you have a baby. So, as I was at Extra Foods picking up a box of diapers, yes a box, I mean why not buy the biggest mondo box they have they'll get used (even though I feel my earthy side cringe each time I purchase more disposable diapers).

I head up to the till with my reusable grocery bags and when the clerk hands me my receipt I cram it into the handle of the diaper box. If anyone has ever purchased a case of beer before you know what I mean. I had a flashback from my last encounter at the liquor store.

Who would have thought that buying all those cases of beer in my day would lead me to a practical place to put my receipt when I purchase diapers. It's a good thing I bought all that beer or I would have been lost with what to do with my receipt.

sign of the times

Once in awhile I get the pleasure of spending some alone time with one of my kids. I miss it, I really do. Joseph and I used to go on "dates" all the time, shopping, mcdonalds, the library...wherever. It used to be him and I on the open road. Now, not so much.

The other day my nephew Devin asked us to come to his championship inline (not online) hockey game. So, when Big Daddy got home from work Joseph and I headed out. After the game we went out for some supper, just him and I. It was fun and was the best date i've been on in months (shh, dont tell Big Daddy). We went to Boston Pizza so Joseph could throw back a few "grape pop rocks" Really, its grape pop poured onto crushed ice. I could make the same thing at home for about $3 cheaper...but hey, it just wouldn't be the same now would it?

It gave us the opportunity to sit and chat. The neat thing about your kids growing up is that the conversation grows along with it. Now that Joseph has completed grade one (*sob*) he has more to talk about than just Star Wars. We can have somewhat of a real conversation. He reads very well and absorbs many things, so we have a lot to talk about. He told me various things that had happened at school this year, and we talked about being done grade one and moving into grade two. We also chatted about what we were going to do on our summer holidays and our vacation we have planned to BC. It was nice to sit and chat, laugh and just spend time with one another.

But low and behold after a few "grape pop rocks" nature tends to call. So here comes a mama-delima. We are at that age where it is almost inappropriate to take him into a ladies washroom nor does he want to go into one. I can't go into the men's, again nor would I want to. Our only option is for Joseph to go it alone. Our table was about 4 away from the bathrooms so I told him where they were and watched him head over.

As we all know the traditional bathroom signs are these:


Joseph looks at one.... and then the other.... and then back at the first one....and then then other.... and then at me. I point which way he needs to go.
When he returns at the table he says to me "what is with the stick people can't they just write 'boys' or 'girls'?" For him reading actual words is so much easier than decifering weird stick people. He inquired as to why the girl had a triangle. "Mom, your a girl and you never wear a triangle"

It was a bit too much to explain to him that there are probably some people this day in age who can't read. I guess I just take it for granted, Joseph too. I hope one day he realizes how lucky he is to be able to read. I feel lucky that he can read. I guess I learnt today that what Joseph learnt in grade one will stay with him forever..... only if the bathrooms are labeled with words.

Sweet Adeline

Each and every day I look at my kids and think "when did they get so big!" I think if you watch closely enough you can literally see them grow!

It is like my life is one of those cameras that watches a plant grow for months on end and then they speed it up to show the growth process in about 3 minutes. I swear that is how my children have grown right before my eyes.

So far this week Joseph has lost his fourth tooth. He is currently without both of his top front teeth. I must admit I always thought kids looked weird without two front teeth. Joseph in my eyes looks as handsome as ever. He is gorgeous without his teeth. Trent this week has glommed on to the word "hilarious" everything in his life these days is "hilarious". Addie, gosh her growth is leaps and bounds. These are honestly the days of babyhood where I love to put them on the floor sit on the couch and just watch them explore. She in, I swear, a few days has gone from full on crawling to getting into a sitting position from crawling, to pulling up, to cruising furniture, to millisecond STANDING!! The girl is not even ten months old yet.
Oh man, I feel faint just typing those words....ten months old.....
It is so beyond surreal. *sigh* I wish I could just press pause some days to absorb all of them just that little bit more.

There are times like tonight when the boys are getting ready for bed with Big Daddy and I have my one on one time with Addie. I bath her and give her a little baby massage and get her jammies on. I feed her while I look deep into her eyes and we snuggle in the rocking chair in the corner of her room while the sun sets around us. When she is done she lays her sweet head on my chest and sighs herself right into me. I feel our hearts connect on a deeper level as I smell her freshly baby washed hair. I close my eyes, breathe her in deeply and listen to her smallness breathing in and out. As I take a deep breath to once again catch the sweet baby smell she so gently lifts her head and belches loudly leaving a stench to waft at me.

I will miss these baby days.

End of an Era

Why is it that sometimes something that feels so right can leave a ulcer burning pit in the bottom of your stomach?

Big Daddy and I have come to the conclusion that it is time for me to stay at home and raise our family. Thus, I have recently quit my job. It is such a reminder that at the end of the day it is a job and that it doesn't define you. Like Carrie Bradshaw said on an episode of Sex in the City "It's not who I am, it's what I do."

Over the past nine years I have been employed at the same place. Nine years isn't a huge amount of time, I do realize that. However, it was significant enough. Especially for me since it was a portion of my life where I did a lot of growing up. I have had this job longer than I have been married. During my time there I got married and had three children. My life changed drastically over those nine years.

As much as it was the right decision and I need to this for my family. It was sad to let go. It seemed that those three days a week that I worked reminded me that I was human, an adult and at the craziest of times in my life as a mother when everyone else would go for coffee and I would stay back at my desk to work, or blog, it was silence. It was escape from my "real" job at home.

I will be honest. I didn't necessarily love the job itself, but I liked the people. For the most part. I mean can't we all agree there is that "one" everywhere you go right? But some of these women have Mothered me at work and made me laugh and have even seen me at some of my weakest moments and cared enough to send me home to soothe my soul those days I needed it most.

Coming to the decision was easy. Quitting was hard, writing that message to my boss was even harder. I have come a long way and strived for many things and being a quitter generally isn't on my agenda. When I quit something I feel failure...because in a large percentage of times in life quitting is a form of failure. But in this case quitting wasn't failing. It is taking a step up.

Of all the advice I have gotten across the board when trying to make this life changing decision the few words that kept coming across time and again were "you won't regret it!"
Believe me, a few days in already and I don't. Not one bit. There is no greater accomplishment in life than watching your children grow up. As cliche as it sounds, it is fact. They grow up too fast. I don't want to miss it. Also, being the realist I am the fact of the matter is, I simply can't justify working to pay someone for the job *I* want to be doing. That would be like paying someone to eat my piece of cake...no way!! I want the cake!

It's life and it is what it is and it's a huge leap of faith. But as stressed out I am and as much as I sometimes wonder "what if" I KNOW, in the depths of my heart that a job will always be there when and if I need one. For now, I'll take my kids.
I know.... I won't regret it.

It's happening!!

Something happened in my life last week that I am having a hard time coming to terms with. I just can't believe it actually happened. UGH.


*whispers* I turned................................................ 29.


The thought of that makes me want to crawl into bed and sob. Gosh, I remember when I was younger 29 was like.... OLD!! It's a harsh reality that I am currently living in my 30th year of life. AKK. That just seems wrong. I am not old?! When the hell did this happen? Who's idea was this?

Most days I most definitely do not feel 29. I guess. I mean what does 29 feel like?? I thought 29 was more wrinkly than this. Or am I wrinkly and don't even realize it because of my elderly vision and my bad hip I can't get close enough to the mirror?

Or, is it a mind over matter situation? Since my mind is still stuck around 24 am I to feel 24? See turning 25 wasn't too bad. But 26 was a whopper for me since I knew from that point forward it was essentially downhill to 30. This thing... the two nine... is the bottom of that hill. I have 358 days left of my twenties. I feel like I need to make the most of this.

Or do I?

I keep hearing over and over again (damn Oprah!) that one's thirties are the new twenties?! Is this true? Do I have a new lease on life, or at least my twenties? If so I have a pretty good ten years ahead of me. Some great stuff happened in my twenties. Some of it I'd rather not do again, but some I'd love to do over and over. Looking back on my twenties I have done a fair amount. I started working at The Western Producer, I got married, Big Daddy and I travelled throughout Alberta and British Columbia seeing some of the greatest sights Canada has to offer, we travelled to Toronto and Las Vegas, got to hang out with the Philosopher Kings many times, we travelled to the lake a fair amount, we had three of the best, most beautiful children, we persevered five years of Big Daddy's University life and celebrated his convocation, we bought our first home, we learnt the value of paying cash for things, I met Wendell Clark and got watch him tape a commercial, and I have seen New Jersey and New York. If all goes as planned I will get to see a large part of Alberta and British Columbia again as well as possibly travel to Arizona.

My twenties were good to me and they aren't even over yet.

So is the best way to face my thirties is head on? I guess I don't have much choice. It's coming. No matter how I try to avoid it, it will arrive on my doorstep.

I can't wait to see what my thirties hold. Mostly I anticipate watching my family grow up. But until then I will hold on to every last ounce I have of my twenties as it feels like sand in a hour glass. As the old saying goes time flies when your having fun. And fun my twenties have been.

What have you done?

The ones I HAVE done are bolded.

01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped
11. Visited Paris
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the northern lights
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg
19. Slept under the stars
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb
33. Seen a total eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer (I think I do right now??)
40. Visited all 50 states
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe
47. Taken a road-trip
48. Gone rock climbing
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving
51. Visited Ireland
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan
55. Milked a cow
56. Alphabetized your CDs
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sang karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Played touch football
61. Gone scuba diving
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice
80. Gotten a tattoo
81. Rafted the Snake River
82. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Kissed on the first date
89. Gone to Thailand
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one/both of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship
94. Spoken more than one language fluently
95. Performed in Rocky Horror
96. Raised children/currently raising child
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication(an ad LOL)
106. Lost 100 pounds (Collectively over the years)
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Touched a stingray
110. Broken someone’s heart (probably but no one has told me so)
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari
115. Had a facial part pierced other than your ears
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
124. Visited all 7 continents
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Touched a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
135. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146. Dyed your hair
147. Been a DJ
148. Shaved your head (part of it anyways LOL)
149. Caused a car accident
150. Saved someone’s life.

I am guessing Shar will do this next!

Change of season

Why does it not matter how old I become I still at times don't feel like an adult. Or is it more so to the fact that I don't want to be an adult, the adult?

Big Daddy and I are currently making some life decisions. Hard ones. I think I so much fear making the wrong choice and ending up in a bigger hole. Or maybe I am just so gun-shy because of the choices Big Daddy and I have made thus far at the time seemed wise and the right thing to do, but now looking back maybe not so much?

I know at the end of the day we will survive and make the choices and live with them. But stepping out of my comfort zone is never easy.

I am the type of person to stay at the same job forever not because I like it, but because it is easy. It is there. Maybe that is why I am having such a hard time deciding what I want to do with my life and what I want to do when I grow up. But in all reality I am grown up and I need to get my peas in a pod.

I also wonder why when making substantial life decisions every one's biggest suggestion is "Sleep on it". I don't know about you, but when I have that much on my mind I don't get much sleep.

We just need to make sure these leaps we are about to take are the right ones. But how does one know? As the old saying goes if hindsight were only 20/20.

Is it a bird? Is it a plane?

I hate the feeling I now get whenever I see "something" on one of my children's heads.

I instantly get heart palpitations and visions of the enormous pile of laundry while I decipher.... Is it fuzz? Is it dandruff? Is is lice??? Is it my freakishly whacked out imagination?
I think I need therapy. You all don't need to nod in agreement either.

Christmas Spirit

Well, hard to believe that it is once again upon us. Christmas.

I have to wonder if I am losing my Christmas spirit, or if I am in fact gaining a better sense of it. I have to say that this year I am feeling a little more perturbed than usual about the foo foo of it all. I mean I love the decorations, the tree, the lights, the food and the company. But I guess I am just a little puzzled that we always forget what it really is about. The birth of Christ.

I like to believe that I am a Christian and I do believe in Jesus, therefore I celebrate his birth. This year in my annual letter I wrote something to that effect. Big Daddy said it sounded dumb. So I asked him what Christmas was about then? His reply was "presents". I found that odd coming from the guy who generally doesn't buy presents and puts on that he could care less about giving or receiving presents.

Furthermore to my frustrations I am tired... why all the fuss for one day? It is like a wedding in some ways. Life should be about the marriage, not the wedding. Well in this case, shouldn't life be about being a good person all year long and believing in your beliefs of Jesus all year long, not just this one day. Hmmm.

I guess I also wonder why so many people out there who are atheist or non-believers of Christ celebrate Christmas? Must be for the presents. Or is just because everyone else does it?

Am I becoming cynical in my old age or just realistic. I guess this year I just find myself so overwhelmed with things to get done for this one day of the year. Don't get me wrong, I love the giving and receiving of gifts and I especially love spending some down time with family & friends having some good times and laughter. But why does it take a holiday to force these wonderful things upon us?

I definitely do not want to become a humbug or scrooge as I really do love the holidays. But I think at the end of the day I could just get past my stained carpet, dirty old furniture, messy home, and just enjoy welcoming people in the door. I also wish we somehow could get back to the basics of it and really remember that this is the day that Jesus was born.

I don't want to sound holier than thou because as far as Christians go I am probably not one of the best one's out there. I guess I just wonder how many people really do wake up Christmas day and their first thought is "Happy Birthday Jesus" not where are the gifts.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the gifts and I am looking so forward to seeing my children's eyes light up when they see that Santa has found them to be good boys this year. I know they are going to have a wonderful day and a season of joy. I just hope at the end of the day as a parent I can somehow incorporate both, enjoyment of the season with a dash of it's true meaning. I hope it's possible.