A whole new world

I know I have briefed on the topic of Big Daddy finishing University this year. But today it was official.

Not many university graduands attend their convocation ceremony. As the wife in this scenario, I informed Big Daddy that I did five years for him, he can do this one thing for me.

As boring as the ceremony and the one lengthy speaker (who has scarred me for life I think with his utter boring-ness....dear God I hope he never stumbles upon my blog) it was all worth it to watch Big Daddy walk across the stage, have his name called and watch him be admitted into the college of commerce.

Afterwards while reminiscing my Mother in Law asked me how it felt and if I could believe that it had been five years. All I could come up with is that why is it so easy to look back and say "that wasn't so hard" whereas to look forward through the tunnel and seeing the hurdles and obstacles in the way is so much more difficult. I guess if something is a true success it than is something you can turn and look back and say "that wasn't so hard"... Because you have grown stronger, wiser and braver for doing it. If you can't turn back and say that... It wasn't worth the effort and nothing had been learned and the truest of lessons has been lost.

I guess over the last five years of trial and tribulations I have learned (even though I am not the one with the degree out of the deal) that no matter what may lay ahead as long as Big Daddy, the kids and I stick together we will make it through. As much as the piece of paper Big Daddy received today, it is just a small fabrical representation of the truths really learnt....and trust me, they are not ones learnt within the walls of the University of Saskatchewan.

However, above all that. Today was a celebration of Big Daddy and what he has set his mind on and the sacrifices he has made to try and make our family a better place/thing. We as his family, could not be more proud.

Today my chest swelled so much with pride I think it was larger than my pregnant belly... and that's pretty big.
It is one of those moments I really hope I never forget and I hope it is a memory that ever fades.

Congratulations Todd. It really is an accomplishment to be proud of. I knew you could do it!

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of our lives. I can't wait to start that day with you.

A liberating experience

I must admit that I am one of those women... a do it yourself in many ways. I handle my own finances (or lack of) not well, might I add... but I handle it. I have a mind of my own and the ability to use to my advantage both a black lace bra and many power tools, if you add both together the results are usually quite great.

Beyond all of those things I still got married. Yes, some would say that Big Daddy and I have an odd relationship because I do some of these things... and he lets me. But, it works for us.

Don't get me wrong I am not a butch who needs to flex her muscles at every given moment. Believe me you, just because I can change the tire on my own car doesn't mean I want to! My cell phone works way quicker than me with a tire jack.

Above all of that there is one thing in my life that I never conquered.... and have never been really given the opportunity to conqure. It resides out of doors and creates heaps of "man meat" as some would say. It is what most families know as a Bar-B-Q. We own one, I know we own one, I know where it resides... but other than that, I've never really had a use for it. It gets used but I usually just reach over and hand the plate full of raw meat out the door to get it back in fine broiled fashion ready for my consumption.

Tonight I am woman hear me roar... I broadend my horizions. I was scared as hell to do so too. I would rather build a fire from flint and kindling than light the monstrosity. But with Big Daddy off at swimming with the dudes I had to step up to the plate. It was a life changing moment. I lit the bar-b-q all on my own. I even had to do so more than once as it was windy out and kept blowing out. But I must say by the time Big Daddy arrived home I even had some weiners starting to cook on there.

It was liberating. Its good to know that if I were on my own in the wild with a propane fueled bar-b-q I would survive. It really is mind easing.... nah, just liberating. Don't worry, if you pop over I wont be burning my bra. I am not that wacked... yet.

Mother's Day

Happy belated Mother's Day to all the Mother's I know.

Where the tradition of Mother's day and Father's day originated from is foggy to me. I am sure Google would have all the answers, but I am just too lazy to bother. But, I have to say that I think every child has queried their parent at one time or another why there is no "kids day".

This being the first year Joseph has really understood the concept of Mother's Day did so enquire why there was no "kids day". I think both Big Daddy and I replied something like "because EVERY day is kids day". That was a little above his head. With the more I thought about it, I concluded that my answer was wrong. Every day is NOT kids day and yes I think we should have an international day to celebrate our children. I don't think we enjoy our children enough.

From the little bit I know about Mother's Day and Father's Day it is a day to celebrate thy Mother or Father. But why do we not have a day to celebrate our most precious goods? Why do I not think every day is kids day? Because as parents and the busier our lives get we put off our children on more occasions than one thinks I am sure. It is as simple as "Hey Mom, can you help me with this puzzle?" or "Mom, can we buy a new toy today?" Our children's simple requests are put off with answers such as "Not right now dear, I am cooking supper" Or "Oh Bud! I'd love to, but Mom just doesn't have the money today".
As much as I'd LOVE for every day to be kids day, reality gets in the way and I do have to take time away from my children for things like my job, cleaning toilets and making meals. Throughout the day to day frustrations of life and learning to balance all of these things we simply don't take the time often enough to step over the laundry pile, pull out the spare $10 I had stashed for coffee money next week and head out to just celebrate my kids. Every day isn't kids day... They have never had breakfast in bed or have gotten a homemade card from me with flowers drawn on it. I guess I worry too much that the peanut butter might smear on the bed sheets, milk would get spilt on the pillow and that the world would judge my shabby drawings on the card.

So, the more I think about it, the better idea I think it is to have a "Kid's Day" and the first rule is to forget the real world exists for a day. I think sometimes I could use a reminder of how special my two little men and one little bitty are. I mean... I celebrate Victoria day and in my home.... Victoria doesn't hold a candle anywhere near Joseph or Trent.

Do we talk too much?

I sometimes wonder if in the parent/child relationship if there is a thing as talking too much?

Big Daddy and I really strive to remember that our children are still people with thoughts and idea's of their own. We try to give them choices so that as they grow into young men they have decision making skills and can make choices based on how they truly feel or the consequences that may come with their decisions. Don't get me wrong we don't live in a parentless world, we very much rule the roost on what we feel are the important things like say wearing a seat belt, really they have no choice but to do it.

But not all that long ago I was talking to a friend and we were chatting about a pretty life changing thing in her child's life and I asked point blank how the child felt about it. The reply I got was "I don't know, I didn't ask."
I tried not to act shocked at the moment and I hope if I did appear that way it wasn't offensive. I don't judge those parents, it is their child and they will do what they wish.

However, I could not imagine myself if in that situation not having asking one of my kids how they felt about it.

In the more recent with the stresses of life and raging pregnancy hormones I haven't handled a few things so well. To put it lightly.

Joseph has had a request to be a ring bearer in a friends wedding party. We had to go, try on and reserve the tux's. I explained what a ring bearer was and the process of it. I then asked him if it were something he would like to do. He right away became quite upset and said no he didn't want to do it. We spoke about his reasons why and he really had some valid ones. I was not going to force the issue. What I felt as a parent I needed to do was to coach him on how to turn down such an honorable offer gracefully. I felt that was just as important, if so not more important than fulfilling the requested task.
So, off we went to the tux shop. When we got there the groom was waiting for us and crouched down to speak to Joseph. Joseph so ever politely said "thank you for the offer, but am just too afraid to do it." It was sweet, innocent and grown up all wrapped in one. I then too apologized and we headed on our way.

On the way home through my tears, yes I cried about it. I pondered if I did the right thing. Should I have never said anything to Joseph and just got him measured for a tux and plunked him in it and sent him down the aisle on the wedding day? Or did I do the right thing in asking him what he thought about it? And if so, should I have pressured him more to do it? Big Daddy and I have concluded that it is much better to turn down the offer now with grace and dignity than to have a very upset five year old on that day screaming bloody murder that he doesn't want to do it and having the bride and groom have that in their memory bank of that day.

It is so hard in these situations to realize that each child is different and to know what is the perfect answer to all of these things. Because I believe that with each child the answer is going to be different. I just hope we don't over think things because sometimes the answer is much more simple than we make it.

Joseph's Introduction to Jacques

I guess since I grew up with only a sister I was never taught anything about boys. I never imagined myself with two sons. But alas, here we are and I wouldn't change it for the world. I thought one of the greatest benefits of having sons would be that I didn't have to explain "things" to them. With girls at some point you have to. I guess I just never realized that there were other "things" that went along with being a boy since I have no first hand knowledge.

A few months ago Big Daddy decided to sign Joseph up for baseball. If I recall correctly as part of the discussion went something along the lines of "no son of mine is going to play t-ball... he's going to play REAL ball" I think there was some grunting, farting and scratching in there as well. So, here we are the start of ball season with two practices under our belt and already one schmuck to the mouth.

Big Daddy and I were discussing the first game and Big Daddy says to me "We should really get him a can for baseball".
"you want to get a what for a who now?!" It never dawned on me that a can was necessary for non-knee you in the crotch sports. But I guess baseball is one of them. Big Daddy proceeded to tell me about the many times it could have been game over without the can. Hmm, really not a subject I was interested in... but whatever a can it is, I'll go buy him one.
But, umm? where do buy one? are there sizes? I learnt more about male part safety in the last few days than I thought I would ever need to know. I am sure everyone in Canadian Tire was laughing at me standing infront of the "can" wall like a deer caught in the headlights.

I also have to say I was a little embarrassed buying it. So I had to buy something else... You know the old hide it amongst the bottle of diet coke trick. I almost felt compelled to tell the cashier the "can" wasn't for me. But the coke was. I however couldn't look her in the eyes long enough to talk anyways. I think at that moment I was wishing I were somewhere else buying a bra, thong underwear, condoms, maxi pads, tampons and some x-lax.

But the hits just keep on coming. Big Daddy and I, after inspecting the man-goods and discussing that we think i'd bought the right one (hope so, its probably like bathing suit bottoms and you can't return it) we have to explain to Joseph that he needs to wear it. I think the term "can" confused him a little because he looked at us like we were nuts and said "ummm, like a pepsi can?"
No dude. Whatever you do, don't stick your goods in a pepsi can.
Game day arrived and Big Daddy coached Joseph on how to use the man-goods. Much to Joseph's dismay.

En route to the game I had to enquire what else on earth a guy would wear a jock strap for. You know without the cup? Big Daddy didn't have a clear answer for me, but we had some laughs making things up.

I never knew in all my life as a mother I would have to deal with this stuff. But it's here and it's oh so real.