More on the learning curve

I know, I know, most of my posts in the last 2 1/2 months have been about breastfeeding. But honestly, you try doing something eight times a day and tell me what else you have time for. Much less have anything else to talk about.

My recent lightbulb moment as a Mother of three is that breastfeeding isn't just a learning process for the Mother. It is a learning process for the whole family. Especially when it is something you have never really done long term before. How is it a learning process for the whole family you ask. Good question.

I have realized that Big Daddy has had to learn to deal with his inability to feed the baby on a moments notice. Much to his dismay, as he loves to feed our babies. But, thankfully our sweet Addie will take a bottle. She dosen't have much choice when it is feeding time and I instantly come down with a gallbladder attack and am writhing around on the floor. The downside to this is that poor Big Daddy then has to run hot water on a frozen milksicle for about 20 minutes before he can feed the baby. But alas, the girl eats. Big Daddy has learnt his share about breastfeeding. Moreso he has had to learn to be the support person when times are (or were) tough. He, being the good man he is sat beside me and let me cry on his shoulder when I wanted to continue but the pain was almost too much. With his support, we as a team persevered. I think the most success I felt was once things were going well and latching was getting better and he so non-chalantly said "I am proud of you". It was a moment I so much needed and will never forget. Big Daddy learnt, and did his part.

The boys had a learning curve as well. As much as I hated doing it, there were and still are moments when the dudes have to have some patience for me to finish feeding before I can fulfill their needs. But they understand and have learnt a bit of patience.

Joseph is six, and with being six he knows that being naked in public isn't really all that appropriate. So, he has a hard time understanding how I can breastfeed in public. As we were driving to the mall he mentioned to me that if I fed Addie at the mall that it would just be downright embarassing. But, he is learning that Addie needs to eat, embarassing or not.

But to round out our family Addie has had to learn too. She has had to learn how to feed. Also, I am quite sure she knows that when I take her off and put her down mid-feed that her brothers are into some knee deep kaka.

I guess it just goes to who that it dosen't matter what task one of us takes on or what life throws at us that as a family if we support one another and stick together we will make it through.

Tales from Toddlers

Today I had the pleasure of helping out at preschool again today. It was a little hectic to tote Addie around and help a bunch of three year olds learn how to use scissors. Why do we always have to do a cutting craft on my helper day. I have a hard time assisting children in the education of using scissors.

Of course Murphy's Law prevails. I toted Addie along as she generally naps all morning so I had visions of her dozing in her carseat while I bounced around helping kids. Not so much....this morning my dear sweet Addie decided that it was awake day. Good thing I packed the sling just in case. Sling or no sling, teaching kids to cut, not my bag. Colouring...give me colouring or even paint I am good at paint, but cutting oh the cutting. It ranks up there with white glue for me. But I prevailed once again and made it through the day.

Preschool is always good for a laugh, some of the things the kids come out with are priceless. I think my favorite part of preschool is circle time as this is when the children get to share all of their tales with the teacher. Last time I was the helper mom a little girl shared a story about her Dad and how he forgot to flush the toilet and they went away for the weekend. There were gagging noises and tales of the smell upon return home as well as a rendition of her Mother's reaction. I came home with sore sides from laughing so hard as she was so serious while sharing her story. I still can't look her Dad in the face knowing what I know. You never know what your children are saying about you when you aren't around.

All in all, preschool was good today. Of course you know it's always a good day at preschool when the teacher has to remind a student that it isn't good practice to lick your feet.

Trent helping with the calendar

Double Duty

The other day I was reading some of the archives of my own blog and had a few good laughs about things I forgot that had happened. I hope you all don't feel that the funny things in our lives have stopped and all we do all day is sit here and stare at our beautiful baby girl.

Ok, I'll admit we all stare at her a lot. But, we still do our regular stuff and the kids still keep my sides sore in laughter some days. I just don't seem to find the time to blog about it all.

To add to my misery sometimes I get up here and Addie is laying in her crib so I sit to blog and I forget all the things I have had good intentions to blog about.

BUT, today is a red letter day. I have remembered something that has kept me in laughter most of the day.

As our usual Saturday routine the family and I get ready to go and we all load up into the van to head to the mall for lunch. Now that there are five of us making it anywhere before noon with all of us fully dressed is really out of the question.

So, there we are driving along to the mall and chattering away while Addie is fast asleep in her carseat. Joseph pipes up
"Hey Mom!"
Big Daddy and I finish what we were talking about so he pipes up again "Hey Mom and Dad!!!"
I reply "What Joseph"
Joseph informs us "I am wearing two pairs of underwear!"

Well I think Big Daddy and I were laughing so hard I never really asked why. When we got to the mall and he got out of the van I had to take a quick peek to see if he was just making it up.

I'd hate to leave you all in suspense so I will let you know that the child was in fact wearing two pairs of underwear. While I find it humorous and still laugh thinking about it. Big Daddy is just praying that this doesn't become common occurrence as that would equal seven extra pairs to launder at the end of each week.

What I find funniest about it all is the tone Joseph used when he brought it up in the van. It was like after being dressed for an hour and in the van it all of a sudden dawned on him.

He wonders why I often remind him to pay attention when he is doing things. Two pairs of underwear... Why, I will never know.

A Whole lot of crazy

Wow... I definitely never thought my life could ever get this crazy. I should have listened to all those who say the third is so much more than the first two. Boy, they weren't kidding. Believe me you though when I say at the end of the day when Addie is finally finished her evening "eat" and she is asleep in my lap with milk dribbling out the corner of her mouth and her sweet breath slowly drawing in and breathing out on to me... I could not be more satisfied. Tired, yes. But definitely satisfied.

It has been a simple pleasure in my life to get to know each one of my kids so indepth. It has also been a great pleasure enjoying (or trying to) every moment of Addie's baby-hood and knowing it is my last one. Big Daddy and I are so contented with our family as is... I think I can easily speak for both of us when I say that we look forward to enjoying these babes we now have and being a family rather than making the family. It is fully rounded. And to answer the age long question we get, I think we would both feel just as contentedly "done" if Addie had been another boy. It just is what it is. It hasn't been about the gender it is about circumstance.

But, I must say I have been feeling a bit of failure in one area, and with all my babies I have felt the same failure for various reasons. I feel I fall down in the area of breastfeeding.

Why?

With Joseph it was too painful to feed and I was pumping and bottle feeding. I then became ill and to get better I needed medication that affected my milk and Joseph couldn't have it anymore. I was ok with that and felt justified in giving up.

When Trent came along I persevered through the pain for two weeks and ended up throwing in the towel for many reasons. After doing so I felt enormous guilt and shame, like I hadn't tried hard enough or I was just being a sissy.

So this time I was determined to make it work and went in fully loaded with the knowledge I had from my first two attempts. As well as all kinds of tricks of the trade and tools to get through the rough patches.

Here we are two months in and I am pretty proud to say that we are 100% breastfed. Not all straight from the source, some bottles. But with a wonderful nurse at the hospital, a great visit from a public health nurse, lots of pumping, nipple shields, breastshells, lanolin cream, hot packs, cold compresses and round of antibiotics for mastitis I can confidently say that I am now at the easy part of it all and breastfeeding is going well. I have conquered! But, this time even though I have gotten this far and done so much hard work to get here I have to shamefully admit that it is still something I don't overly enjoy. I feel like a horrible mother. Aren't mothers supposed to love nursing their babies? Don't get me wrong, I love Addie to my very core. But no more so than I loved the boys or connected with them. All the books and sources say that breastfeeding creates a bond. It is true it does, but I had the same bond from skin to skin contact and bottlefeeding the boys.

I am glad I persevered and will continue to do so for awhile yet. And yes, the pain is definitely worth the gain. I feel I am a better, wiser, more educated person and parent for making this a success at least once out of three times. I know for me as I like to help others succeed, the great joy in it all for me will be one day when I can share my experience to help another mother get through her rough patches of breastfeeding.

I guess as humans we find strength from all sources. I was at a point with breastfeeding in the last few weeks where I just didn't think I wanted to do it anymore... just because I wasn't really fond of it. I spoke with a friend and she assured me that it was ok and to do what made me and baby the happiest. That afternoon I turned on Oprah and there was a story on and it had some children in Africa who were malnourished and HIV. It was about these mothers in the USA who were pumping breastmilk, pasturizing it and sending it to these African babies. One of whom was too weak to even cry. Too weak to CRY! How heartwrenching. Here I am whining because "I just don't like it." I felt a little pathetic at that point. Here I have the greatest thing I can give my child, it is free, it is healthy and I am able to. What an eye opening moment for me. So, to keep on keeping on. You can only imagine what I think of every time I feed my baby. As much as I may not "like" breastfeeding, I will continue to do so simply because I can. I guess I feel it is Addie's right.