Joys of Motherhood

When you become a parent there are many things you anticipate and get your mindset ready for. Especially with infants and the obscene amount of poop, spit, snot and barf they can (and will) produce. However, I quickly learnt that there are many things that you never in your right mind expected yourself to say, do, or have done TO you. I also never anticipated how these things increase as you add more children to the mix. My guess is that it turns into gang mentality and they egg one another on.

I think the one thing I never imagined myself saying, and probably more than once is "don't stick that in your brothers butt!" Sounds terrible doesn't it. Almost as bad as "Don't put THAT in your brothers mouth!". I also have had a few rounds of conversation on what is appropriate to stick in people's noses... while they are asleep.

I also never thought I would have to clean up so much poop off of my living room carpet as I have. I guess in my prenatal state I always envisioned poop would be contained to diapers and potty's. No one warns you that there comes an age when these babies are old enough to remove the diaper themselves when you aren't looking, only to have your five year old come to you and say "Mom, I have bad news"

But it is a really good thing I have a half decent carpet cleaning machine because I also never thought I would let my kids eat so much off of the floor. I haven't let them because I think its ok. I have just resigned myself to the fact somedays that one (or two) treats or apple slices off the floor is better than the tantrum that I know full well would occur if I said no. So, I turn a blind eye.

I guess I never anticipated how barbaric and tribal life as a mother be. For crying out loud, Big Daddy and I are civilized humans. We use toilet facilities, we eat off tableware and use cutlery. We have opposable thumbs. But, for some simple reason after birth your life so quickly turns primative and you will growl at anyone who comes near your baby cub.

Although, my life has turned somewhat primative I must say that I still appreciate a clean shirt. I can't tell you how many times I have dressed for work in clean attire to head out the door with a handful of oatmeal smeared down my pant leg. When it goes unnoticed for a few hours is nothing short of embarassing.

Today's greatest hit, the sticky substance that I obviously stepped in this morning while preparing my lunch in the kitchen. It is stuck to the bottom of my sock and now adhere's my sock to the inside of my shoe. My guess is that the "substance" is a booger, or something quite similar in size and shape. At least that is what I can tell from the feel of it. I am afraid to look, the sight of it might make me vomit. It is rather annoying and sticks and unsticks while walking... however, it reminds me of my kids. So to all the mothers-to-be out there... expect yourself to one day be at work thinking about your kids because of an odd foot booger. It's not quite the same as a photo sitting on your desk and you will never believe how it can make your day just that little bit better.